“Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.” —Nathaniel Branden

At first glance, the concept of self-acceptance seems simple—loving yourself for who you are. But many of us come to realize that our self-love has invisible conditions attached. We might not even notice it until life throws us into emotional turbulence, and suddenly that “unconditional” acceptance evaporates under pressure.

For a long time, I believed I had embraced myself fully. I had cleaned up my life: adopted healthier habits, distanced myself from draining relationships, and built a sustainable freelance career. I even became a yoga teacher, something I once only dreamed of. On the surface, I was thriving.

And yet, something didn’t sit right.

Despite the progress, old feelings continued to surface. Social events still filled me with anxiety. I still caught myself comparing my life to others, crafting quiet, cruel narratives about how I wasn’t measuring up. My inner critic, though less vocal than before, still hadn’t gone silent.

When I slipped into a rough patch—when my teaching wasn’t flawless, or when I felt emotionally off—I didn’t meet myself with compassion. I judged myself more harshly than ever. “You’re a yoga teacher now,” I told myself. “You’re supposed to be beyond this.” That shame spiraled quickly. I wasn’t just upset—I was ashamed for being upset, for being human.

In those moments, I abandoned myself.

Rather than practicing the compassion I taught in classes, I withdrew. I shut others out. I let fear and shame creep in, convincing myself that no one else felt this way, that I was broken beyond repair.

It took time, honesty, and some dark days to see what was happening. But when I did, I realized: I was still placing terms and conditions on my self-worth. I had made peace with the parts of me that had changed—but not with the parts that hadn’t.

The truth is, everyone has moments like these. Feelings of despair, insecurity, fear—they’re not signs of failure. They’re human experiences. Pretending otherwise only deepens our isolation.

I used to be scared to say this out loud. Scared to admit that I, a “spiritual” person, someone who helps others through their struggles, still had my own emotional shadows. But over time, I’ve learned to sit with those feelings, to write them out honestly and unapologetically.

There’s power in expressing what hurts.

As writer Flannery O’Connor once said, “I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” For many of us, that’s true. Journaling, venting, or simply speaking aloud can unearth truths we didn’t know we were carrying.

By giving ourselves permission to feel—without fixing, judging, or editing—we begin to accept ourselves in a deeper, more lasting way. Not just when we’re glowing, productive, or successful. But also when we’re tired, scared, or spiraling. Especially then.

So how can you tell if your self-acceptance is conditional?

Ask yourself:

• Do I only feel worthy when I’m achieving something?
• Am I allowed to feel sad or unmotivated without criticizing myself?
• Do I extend myself the same kindness I offer to others?
• Do I forgive myself when I falter?

If your answers reveal some hesitancy, know that you’re not alone. Most of us grow up internalizing the idea that our value is tied to how we perform. It takes real work—and deep unlearning—to practice unconditional self-acceptance.

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to get it perfect.

Start by noticing when you’re judging yourself. Instead of shutting down those feelings, get curious. Where is the judgment coming from? What part of you feels unseen or unheard? Let that part speak. Let it exist without resistance.

One of the most healing things you can do is let your shadow self sit at the table with you.

Instead of exiling your sadness, anxiety, or jealousy—welcome them. Let them teach you. Often, our darkest emotions carry messages we’ve been too scared to hear. They’re not here to destroy you. They’re here to reveal what still needs love.

Another helpful step? Build a foundation of self-care when you’re feeling good. Don’t wait until a breakdown to take care of yourself. Cultivate rituals that ground you—lighting incense, walking in nature, taking slow, nourishing baths, or preparing your favorite meal with intention. These moments of joy and calm become anchors during emotional storms.

The more you nurture these habits, the less frightening your low moments will feel. You’ll begin to see them not as failures, but as natural waves in a life filled with highs and lows.

Because the truth is, struggle doesn’t make you broken.

It makes you human.

And the most radical act of self-love you can commit to is staying with yourself through all of it. Not just when you’re proud, glowing, or accomplished—but when you’re hurting, messy, and in the thick of it.

That’s when self-acceptance matters most.

So the next time your inner world feels dark and heavy, don’t turn away. Sit beside yourself. Be a witness to your pain. Offer the kindness you’ve been waiting for from others. And remind yourself: I am worthy of love, especially now. Especially here.

That is unconditional self-acceptance. And it’s a lifelong practice worth showing up for, again and again.